Hey I haven't really been up to much.  It's a little late and I should be in bed, but whatever.  The computer messed up for a while so I'm catchin up.  Well, let me see...I got in a fight with Carlos today and he got kind of mad at me last night.  Well, I heard my mom talking to someone about how she tells me that she hates for me to date because she says I "play around" with guys hearts and hurt their feelings.  She was telling him that the real reason why she got mad is because she knows that the guys I date are "good" guys and that she knows I don't love them or like them enough or whatever to have sex with them.  So she'd rather me stay with them because I might end up with a "bad" guy, end up sleeping with him and ruining my life.  She said that next time I got a boyfriend that I had to explain to him that I am not looking for a long-term relationship and whatever, whatever. 

So I have never thought of that before.  I figured you know, that they don't want to hear it so I better not tell them how I really feel and I end up not being such a great gf and they don't understand what happened to me.  The thing is with Carlos, I think maybe has to do with that I like being single I guess.  I don't know, but I haven't been really happy.  Well yeah, I told him what I had to say (what mom was saying) and I could see it in his face he was really mad.  I just don't know what to do.  Okay, I don't want to break up with him, I just don't want all of this pressure he gives to me about being together like forever.  I mean, I'm 17 right?  but then yesterday when Dad asked what we were talking about I told him and he got mad at me.  He always says that one of these days I'm just going to end up alone and I'm afraid that's true I guess.  Gosh, he said that about Patrick too.  I just don't know what to do.  I'm happy...then I'm not.  I am so confused.  It's like though, last night when I told Carlos I didn't think we would you know, be together for that long I suddenly felt like I wanted to hang on to him.  And I don't mean because I'm afraid to be alone, no nothing like that.  I care about him.  He is a great person, you know?  I just don't know though I keep thinking that maybe I'm just looking for something else, but then is that person just right infront of me?  Who knows only time will tell I guess.